018- going to die soon

Not to sound like
you’re going to die soon
or anything, but
I’m really glad
I’ve had the chance
to get to know you.

And if you are
going to die soon,
I’m really sorry.

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003- it bothers me

I love you
and it bothers me.

And the fact that
it bothers me
bothers me also.

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066- burping and farting

I’m glad
you feel comfortable
burping and farting
in my presence.
(Sort of glad.)

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024- exactly what to say

Sometimes I know
exactly what to say.

This is not one of those times.

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064- pretend to appreciate

Please pretend to appreciate
this card. If you opened it
in front of me, I’m probably
looking at you now
while you’re reading it,
waiting for some expression
of approval to register
on your face. Or if I’m not
there, you might need to
make a similar expression
next time you see me
in person. In any case, please
try to make that expression
appear genuine and heartfelt.

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039- something on your face

If you had something
on your face, like
a piece of food or a booger
or something,
I would tell you.
Eventually.
I might take a moment first
to enjoy how stupid you look
as you’re eating or talking
or whatever it is you’re doing,
totally oblivious
to the thing on your face.
But eventually,
I’d tell you.

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070- throw this away

You’re probably going to throw
this card away.* *or recycle it

It might get put out on a shelf
in your house for a while. Or
it might even make it into
a pile of keepsakes in some
drawer or closet.But one day,
when the mood is right, you’ll
look through that pile, think of
how you felt (or didn’t feel)
when you first read this card
and how much has changed
(or hasn’t changed) since then,
and you’ll let out a heavy sigh
(or you won’t sigh, or think, or
anything) and you’ll proceed –
despite (or because of) all of
this – to throw it away.*
*or recycle it

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062- want to vomit

This card was the only one
among hundreds that didn’t
make me want to vomit.

Kind of like you.

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004- last person on Earth

If you were the last person on
Earth, that would mean
I’d be dead, and you’d have
a stupid greeting card
to remember me by.

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020- the more I know you

I just wanted to tell you…
…that I get the feeling that
if I knew you more
I’d like you more
I mean in general
the more I knew you
the more I’d like you
and that’s not something
that happens very often
I think I mean
the knowing and the liking
and the feeling I’ve got.

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072- a big deal

I know you don’t like
to make a big deal
out of things like this.

So I just got you
this card.

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009- you’re almost ugly

You’re one of those people
who’s only pretty because
you’re almost …
…you come so close to being
completely repulsive
that the sense of danger
in teetering on that brink
gives your look an excitement
that’s somehow attractive,
like if a butterfly had flapped
its wings somewhere
the moment you were born,
everything might’ve been different
enough to make manifest
your face’s latent hideousness.
Know what I mean?

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067- money inside

There might be money
inside this card.
But before you open it
you’re going to have to
read the rest of this card
and act like you care
what it says, when we all
know you’re only thinking
about how much money
there might be inside.

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036- damn you

Damn you
for making me say and do
so many things
I would never have otherwise
said or done.
Like this.

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063- that nagging sense

Do you ever get
that nagging sense
that we’re kidding ourselves
to think that we could
ever make it together?

Me neither.

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065- the reflection of us

Sometimes, when we’re
walking down the street,
I’ll look at the windows
of the shops as we pass
just to see the reflection
of us walking together.

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069- one of a kind

You sure are one of a kind.
I can’t say exactly what kind,
but you sure are one of it.

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071- reasons not to

I can think of a lot of reasons
not to love you.

But I still do (love you).

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043 – awful in pictures

Yours is a beauty
that has to be experienced
in person to be truly
appreciated, a beauty
that radiates in action –
moving this way, or that, or just
talking, laughing, breathing –
a rare beauty that cannot be
frozen in any one moment.

I guess that’s why you look
so awful in pictures.

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040- someone out there

It’s good to know
there’s someone out there…
…like you.

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