036- damn you

Damn you for making me say and do so many things I would never have otherwise said or done. Like this. Add to Cart

035- I’d rather oblige

I only bought this because you seem to appreciate the gesture of giving a greeting card. And I would rather oblige than think of something better. Add to Cart

034- i’ve run out of ways

I never thought this would happen, but... I've run out of ways to say it. Add to Cart

029- if I knew

If I knew exactly what to say... ...then I sure as hell wouldn't be giving you a greeting card. Add to Cart

027- thinking about you

Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you. Well, obviously. (You're probably thinking to yourself.) ...why would I send you this card if I wasn't thinking about you?... ...and what a stupid thing to say in a card... ...and even stupider to affect stupidity, as if that's funny... Well fuck you then. Sorry, this limited edition card is out of print.

024- exactly what to say

Sometimes I know exactly what to say. This is not one of those times. Add to Cart

023- it’s nearly impossible

It's nearly impossible to find a greeting card for you. Take that as a compliment. Add to Cart

022- things might’ve changed

When I bought this card, I was feeling good about our relationship. But now that you're reading it, things might've changed. Add to Cart

020- the more I know you

I just wanted to tell you... ...that I get the feeling that if I knew you more I'd like you more I mean in general the more I knew you the more I'd like you and that's not something that happens very often I think I mean the knowing and the liking and the feeling I've got. Add to Cart

019- whatever you want

[BLANK FRONT] (INSIDE)You can make this mean whatever you want. Add to Cart

018- going to die soon

Not to sound like you're going to die soon or anything, but I'm really glad I've had the chance to get to know you. And if you are going to die soon, I'm really sorry. Add to Cart

016- I can tell you that

In a lot of ways, I really can't stand you. But I can tell you that. Add to Cart

014- remind me

When love can be measured by greetings cards remind me to kill myself. Add to Cart

012- a funny thing happened

I could never imagine myself buying cards like this. Then a funny thing happened. I met you. Add to Cart

009- you’re almost ugly

You're one of those people who's only pretty because you're almost ... ...you come so close to being completely repulsive that the sense of danger in teetering on that brink gives your look an excitement that's somehow attractive, like if a butterfly had flapped its wings somewhere the moment you were born, everything might've been different enough to make manifest your face's latent hideousness. Know what I mean? Add to Cart

007- I had an itch

The other morning I had an itch in the back of my throat and when I scratched it the only way you can those deep-down ones, with muscle contractions at the base of my tongue, for a moment there... ...I tasted you. Add to Cart

004- last person on Earth

If you were the last person on Earth, that would mean I'd be dead, and you'd have a stupid greeting card to remember me by. Add to Cart

003- it bothers me

I love you and it bothers me. And the fact that it bothers me bothers me also. Add to Cart