018- going to die soon

Not to sound like you're going to die soon or anything, but I'm really glad I've had the chance to get to know you. And if you are going to die soon, I'm really sorry. Add to Cart

066- burping and farting

I'm glad you feel comfortable burping and farting in my presence. (Sort of glad.) Add to Cart

039- something on your face

If you had something on your face, like a piece of food or a booger or something, I would tell you. Eventually. I might take a moment first to enjoy how stupid you look as you're eating or talking or whatever it is you're doing, totally oblivious to the thing on your face. But eventually, I'd tell you. Add to Cart

016- I can tell you that

In a lot of ways, I really can't stand you. But I can tell you that. Add to Cart

064- pretend to appreciate

Please pretend to appreciate this card. If you opened it in front of me, I'm probably looking at you now while you're reading it, waiting for some expression of approval to register on your face. Or if I'm not there, you might need to make a similar expression next time you see me in person. In any case, please try to make that expression appear genuine and heartfelt. Add to Cart

065- the reflection of us

Sometimes, when we're walking down the street, I'll look at the windows of the shops as we pass just to see the reflection of us walking together. Add to Cart

067- money inside

There might be money inside this card. But before you open it you're going to have to read the rest of this card and act like you care what it says, when we all know you're only thinking about how much money there might be inside. Add to Cart

069- one of a kind

You sure are one of a kind. I can't say exactly what kind, but you sure are one of it. Add to Cart

070- throw this away

You're probably going to throw this card away.* *or recycle it It might get put out on a shelf in your house for a while. Or it might even make it into a pile of keepsakes in some drawer or closet.But one day, when the mood is right, you'll look through that pile, think of how you felt (or didn't feel) when you first read this card and how much has changed (or hasn't changed) since then, and you'll let out a heavy sigh (or you won't sigh, or think, or anything) and you'll proceed - despite (or because of) all of this - to throw it away.* *or recycle it Add to Cart

071- reasons not to

I can think of a lot of reasons not to love you. But I still do (love you). Add to Cart

072- a big deal

I know you don't like to make a big deal out of things like this. So I just got you this card. Add to Cart

046- trying too hard

I thought of so many things to do for you that you would've loved. But I didn't want it to look like I was trying too hard. Add to Cart

048- terribly wrong

I'm expecting something to go terribly wrong soon. Because having you around is just too perfect. Add to Cart

038- a few whole dollars

You mean so much to me... ...that I'm willing to spend a few whole dollars on a greeting card. Add to Cart

027- thinking about you

Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you. Well, obviously. (You're probably thinking to yourself.) ...why would I send you this card if I wasn't thinking about you?... ...and what a stupid thing to say in a card... ...and even stupider to affect stupidity, as if that's funny... Well fuck you then. Sorry, this limited edition card is out of print.

023- it’s nearly impossible

It's nearly impossible to find a greeting card for you. Take that as a compliment. Add to Cart

020- the more I know you

I just wanted to tell you... ...that I get the feeling that if I knew you more I'd like you more I mean in general the more I knew you the more I'd like you and that's not something that happens very often I think I mean the knowing and the liking and the feeling I've got. Add to Cart

019- whatever you want

[BLANK FRONT] (INSIDE)You can make this mean whatever you want. Add to Cart

014- remind me

When love can be measured by greetings cards remind me to kill myself. Add to Cart

012- a funny thing happened

I could never imagine myself buying cards like this. Then a funny thing happened. I met you. Add to Cart

009- you’re almost ugly

You're one of those people who's only pretty because you're almost ... ...you come so close to being completely repulsive that the sense of danger in teetering on that brink gives your look an excitement that's somehow attractive, like if a butterfly had flapped its wings somewhere the moment you were born, everything might've been different enough to make manifest your face's latent hideousness. Know what I mean? Add to Cart

004- last person on Earth

If you were the last person on Earth, that would mean I'd be dead, and you'd have a stupid greeting card to remember me by. Add to Cart