066- burping and farting

I'm glad you feel comfortable burping and farting in my presence. (Sort of glad.) Add to Cart

039- something on your face

If you had something on your face, like a piece of food or a booger or something, I would tell you. Eventually. I might take a moment first to enjoy how stupid you look as you're eating or talking or whatever it is you're doing, totally oblivious to the thing on your face. But eventually, I'd tell you. Add to Cart

048- terribly wrong

I'm expecting something to go terribly wrong soon. Because having you around is just too perfect. Add to Cart

036- damn you

Damn you for making me say and do so many things I would never have otherwise said or done. Like this. Add to Cart

035- I’d rather oblige

I only bought this because you seem to appreciate the gesture of giving a greeting card. And I would rather oblige than think of something better. Add to Cart

027- thinking about you

Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you. Well, obviously. (You're probably thinking to yourself.) ...why would I send you this card if I wasn't thinking about you?... ...and what a stupid thing to say in a card... ...and even stupider to affect stupidity, as if that's funny... Well fuck you then. Sorry, this limited edition card is out of print.

024- exactly what to say

Sometimes I know exactly what to say. This is not one of those times. Add to Cart

023- it’s nearly impossible

It's nearly impossible to find a greeting card for you. Take that as a compliment. Add to Cart

020- the more I know you

I just wanted to tell you... ...that I get the feeling that if I knew you more I'd like you more I mean in general the more I knew you the more I'd like you and that's not something that happens very often I think I mean the knowing and the liking and the feeling I've got. Add to Cart

018- going to die soon

Not to sound like you're going to die soon or anything, but I'm really glad I've had the chance to get to know you. And if you are going to die soon, I'm really sorry. Add to Cart

014- remind me

When love can be measured by greetings cards remind me to kill myself. Add to Cart

012- a funny thing happened

I could never imagine myself buying cards like this. Then a funny thing happened. I met you. Add to Cart

004- last person on Earth

If you were the last person on Earth, that would mean I'd be dead, and you'd have a stupid greeting card to remember me by. Add to Cart

003- it bothers me

I love you and it bothers me. And the fact that it bothers me bothers me also. Add to Cart