I’m glad
you feel comfortable
burping and farting
in my presence.
(Sort of glad.)
$4
Not to sound like
you’re going to die soon
or anything, but
I’m really glad
I’ve had the chance
to get to know you.
And if you are
going to die soon,
I’m really sorry.
$5 (limited)
I’m expecting something
to go terribly wrong soon.
Because having you around
is just too perfect.
$2.50
Sometimes I know
exactly what to say.
This is not one of those times.
$2.50
If you had something
on your face, like
a piece of food or a booger
or something,
I would tell you.
Eventually.
I might take a moment first
to enjoy how stupid you look
as you’re eating or talking
or whatever it is you’re doing,
totally oblivious
to the thing on your face.
But eventually,
I’d tell you.
$2.50
Damn you
for making me say and do
so many things
I would never have otherwise
said or done.
Like this.
$2.50
I love you
and it bothers me.
And the fact that
it bothers me
bothers me also.
$2.50
I only bought this because
you seem to appreciate
the gesture of giving
a greeting card.
And I would rather oblige
than think of something better.
$2.50
Just wanted to let you know
that I was thinking about you.
Well, obviously.
(You’re probably
thinking to yourself.)
…why would I send you
this card if I wasn’t
thinking about you?…
…and what a stupid thing
to say in a card…
…and even stupider
to affect stupidity,
as if that’s funny…
Well fuck you then.
It’s nearly impossible
to find a greeting card for you.
Take that as a compliment.
$10
(out of print)
I just wanted to tell you…
…that I get the feeling that
if I knew you more
I’d like you more
I mean in general
the more I knew you
the more I’d like you
and that’s not something
that happens very often
I think I mean
the knowing and the liking
and the feeling I’ve got.
$5 (limited)
I could never imagine myself
buying cards like this.
Then a funny thing happened.
I met you.
If you were the last person on
Earth, that would mean
I’d be dead, and you’d have
a stupid greeting card
to remember me by.
$5 (limited)
