064- pretend to appreciate

Please pretend to appreciate this card. If you opened it in front of me, I'm probably looking at you now while you're reading it, waiting for some expression of approval to register on your face. Or if I'm not there, you might need to make a similar expression next time you see me in person. In any case, please try to make that expression appear genuine and heartfelt. Add to Cart

070- throw this away

You're probably going to throw this card away.* *or recycle it It might get put out on a shelf in your house for a while. Or it might even make it into a pile of keepsakes in some drawer or closet.But one day, when the mood is right, you'll look through that pile, think of how you felt (or didn't feel) when you first read this card and how much has changed (or hasn't changed) since then, and you'll let out a heavy sigh (or you won't sigh, or think, or anything) and you'll proceed - despite (or because of) all of this - to throw it away.* *or recycle it Add to Cart

072- a big deal

I know you don't like to make a big deal out of things like this. So I just got you this card. Add to Cart

038- a few whole dollars

You mean so much to me... ...that I'm willing to spend a few whole dollars on a greeting card. Add to Cart

035- I’d rather oblige

I only bought this because you seem to appreciate the gesture of giving a greeting card. And I would rather oblige than think of something better. Add to Cart

029- if I knew

If I knew exactly what to say... ...then I sure as hell wouldn't be giving you a greeting card. Add to Cart

027- thinking about you

Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you. Well, obviously. (You're probably thinking to yourself.) ...why would I send you this card if I wasn't thinking about you?... ...and what a stupid thing to say in a card... ...and even stupider to affect stupidity, as if that's funny... Well fuck you then. Sorry, this limited edition card is out of print.

023- it’s nearly impossible

It's nearly impossible to find a greeting card for you. Take that as a compliment. Add to Cart

022- things might’ve changed

When I bought this card, I was feeling good about our relationship. But now that you're reading it, things might've changed. Add to Cart

014- remind me

When love can be measured by greetings cards remind me to kill myself. Add to Cart

012- a funny thing happened

I could never imagine myself buying cards like this. Then a funny thing happened. I met you. Add to Cart

004- last person on Earth

If you were the last person on Earth, that would mean I'd be dead, and you'd have a stupid greeting card to remember me by. Add to Cart

002- if true love existed

If something like true love existed, would you really expect it to fit into a card? Add to Cart