You sure are one of a kind.
I can’t say exactly what kind,
but you sure are one of it.
$4
You’re probably going to throw
this card away.* *or recycle it
It might get put out on a shelf
in your house for a while. Or
it might even make it into
a pile of keepsakes in some
drawer or closet.But one day,
when the mood is right, you’ll
look through that pile, think of
how you felt (or didn’t feel)
when you first read this card
and how much has changed
(or hasn’t changed) since then,
and you’ll let out a heavy sigh
(or you won’t sigh, or think, or
anything) and you’ll proceed –
despite (or because of) all of
this – to throw it away.*
*or recycle it
$4
This card was the only one
among hundreds that didn’t
make me want to vomit.
Kind of like you.
$4
I thought of so many things
to do for you
that you would’ve loved.
But I didn’t want it to look
like I was trying too hard.
$2.50
Someday
you’ll thank this disaster…
…for making you
whoever you’ve become.
$2.50
You mean so much to me…
…that I’m willing to spend
a few whole dollars
on a greeting card.
$2.50
Damn you
for making me say and do
so many things
I would never have otherwise
said or done.
Like this.
$2.50
If I knew exactly what to say…
…then I sure as hell
wouldn’t be giving you
a greeting card.
$2.50
Just wanted to let you know
that I was thinking about you.
Well, obviously.
(You’re probably
thinking to yourself.)
…why would I send you
this card if I wasn’t
thinking about you?…
…and what a stupid thing
to say in a card…
…and even stupider
to affect stupidity,
as if that’s funny…
Well fuck you then.
Sometimes I know
exactly what to say.
This is not one of those times.
$2.50
It’s nearly impossible
to find a greeting card for you.
Take that as a compliment.
$10
(out of print)
When I bought this card,
I was feeling good
about our relationship.
But now that you’re reading it,
things might’ve changed.
